Sex, Hugs, and Self-control

Why…

…does a man need a wife?

For sex?
Reproduction of the species?
Someone to talk to?
Companionship?
Need a hug?

Can’t I get all those things without being married?
Yes.  But are they as rewarding?
Or real?

Off the top of my head, there are three words that matter in a relationship.
Try as you might, you can’t honestly apply all three to anything but a marriage.
They are:

Caring.
Commitment.
Completion.

Don’t worry, I wasn’t trying to be cute by having them all start with “C”, it just worked out that way…

Take a moment and try to apply all three to a non-marriage relationship and prove to me that they all fit together.
You can’t.

Yes, caring is an easy one.
“I care for you, let’s live together.”
At least, until the first fight.

In marriage, caring takes on a whole new dynamic.  Since you are now one unit, not individuals, caring for yourself entails caring for your spouse.  Your happiness is linked with their happiness.  It’s not about me, but US.

Commitment is a bit more difficult.
“Of course, I’m committed to you.  I just don’t want to set a definite date yet.  We’re not financially ready.  We don’t know whether we can live together on a daily basis.  Let’s just commit to living together.”

First of all, “commitment” to living together is like telling that “first love” they are the only one for you but not enough to tell your friends, or your parents, or God.  Without the paper, it’s not binding.  Bush-league.  High school. Pretend.
Or, how about cellphone companies?  Sign a two-year agreement and they give you a good ‘free’ phone.  Go with a company without any contract and you end up with a crappy phone and poor customer service.
It’s just words.  No contract. No real commitment.
If the cell phone companies have it figured out, then it’s not rocket science.

When you commit, on a contractual (marriage) level, you have recourse when one side is not holding up their end of the bargain.  With no commitment, well, don’t forget to shut the door on the way out.

Secondly, commitment requires self-control.
You’ve agreed that you no longer have the right to do, look at, or touch things that are not a benefit to the marriage contract.
You’ve agreed that the two who have become one is more important than the two as separate entities.
You’ve agreed to an equitable division of responsibility.
All of these require self-control…
Yes, many marriages are not perfect in these areas, but that doesn’t mean that a non-committed relationship is better.  It’s just easier to get out of.

And then there’s COMPLETION.
Oooooh don’t be scared. This is by far the best one!

Completion has to do with the fact that you are not meant to be alone.  You are not able to see all situations from all sides.  You are imperfect alone.  Yeah, I know, all you “perfect single people” out there are taking offense to this.  But the truth is – you are not perfect – no matter if your inflated ego tells you the opposite.  Get over it.
You may be doing pretty good, but without making a choice to engage in a committed marriage, you will never know what you are really missing and, sorry to say, uncommitted cohabitation is NEVER going to match it.

Completion has to do with knowing that there is someone who has a slightly different perspective in things.  They see situations with different eyes.  They are relaxed when you are stressed.  They are calming when you are nearing your limits.  They choose to love you… even when they may not necessarily LIKE YOU at that moment.hands2

Completion has to do with gifts.
Where I am weak, my Love is stronger.
Where I may excel, she may not.
I love math.  I hate accounting.  I love to spend money.  I hate to keep track of it.
You can probably guess that she handles the money in our house.  In fact, she started that even before we were married!
I know how to VACATION.  Until she met me, her vacations were just work in a different environment.
We both love people.
There are points where we are very different and others where we are very similar. But one complements the other.
She’s female and I’m not.  That’s one of my favorites.

Altogether, these three words build the foundation for a lasting relationship that is flexible, adaptable, supportive, loving in action and emotion, quick to forgive,  and slow to anger.

Why did I need a wife?

Because I was was not complete…
I knew who I was, but not how much better I could be.
Because I am NOT perfect.
Because it’s hard to look at yourself critically and fix flaws without another set of eyes and ears.

Mostly, I needed a friend that I could trust, depend on, hang out and laugh with, and love.

Period.

It also helped that she’s smokin’ hot….
…but I digress.

Wives,  we men need you because you keep us grounded, relaxed, and sure of our place in this world.
You are our cheerleader, our confidante, our friend, our lover…
We want you to be happy in our relationship.

A very wise man once said, “Happy wife, happy life.”
Truer words were never spoken.
And I…

…am a happy man.

-Alan

Endnote…

Please understand that there is A LOT more that goes into a relationship than just these three words.
I also agree, there is no way to squeeze marriage into three cute words that start with the same letter.

But…

This the just the start of a bunch of posts on this topic of marriage.
As I think of’ em, I’ll write on them.

Send me suggestions/requests if you like…..

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