A Navy buddy of mine posted this meme and, although funny and true, I also see a need for guys—especially those who are pre-marriage age—to learn they don’t have to fear this…
After almost 22 years, I now invite my Love to vent and willingly absorb her anger and frustrations because it’s my role to love my wife.
Why would I subject myself to this?
Well, 99% of the time it’s not me anyway.
And for the 1%, I’d rather she be venting on me instead of a friend… or another man.
So let me ask you a question. As a husband, who are you?
Aren’t you supposed to be the one that has her back?
Aren’t you supposed to love unconditionally?
Aren’t you her safe place?
As a husband you are the only one that SHOULD have her back.
Unconditional love is a byproduct of maturing and choice—you just do it.
And, as for a safe place, if you fail to be her safe place, she will gravitate to whomever is.
- Women need to express.
- They’re made that way.
- Accept it and use that to enhance your marriage.
- As a husband you are designed to handle it.
- We’re made that way.
- It’s in the job title.
Think of this for a moment:
A high powered computer CPU creates a lot of heat crunching all those ones and zeroes. The hotter it gets, the less efficient it becomes until it just fails.
To deal with this, a heat sink, usually made of metal with fins to dissipate heat, is bonded to the CPU.
The heat sink absorbs the heat generated by the hard-working CPU and dissipates it into the air with ease—allowing the CPU to run with even greater efficiency.
Now, I’ve discovered—personal experience here, not scientifically tested—that my wife, a talented, type-A, go-getting huntress, needs to unload some heat every once in a while.
Things get pent up—frustrations about work, customers, home, and life in general—and, to move forward, my Beloved sometimes has to release the pressure.
So she comes to me, or calls me, or whatever, and unloads.
This may take a minute. This may take five minutes.
No matter the time, I’ve learned to just LISTEN, maybe voice a few words of understanding or prodding her to continue, and just absorb.
Because, at this moment, she is releasing all the frustration, consternation, and just plain griping that she has been storing up.
When she’s done, depending on where she is and the subject matter vented, she may just hang up and get on with her day… not that she’s angry with me or anything, just that she had to unload what was on her heart before she could move forward with the day. And as a result, I’ve discovered that my Love returns to her normal, high performance demeanor much faster when she has a willing, listening ear.
And there is so much you can learn from listening to an angry woman: what hurts her, what makes her happy, pet peeves, clothing sizes, favorite colors, colors she hates, words that set her off, words that calm her, people in her life that are enhancers, people who are life suckers, her fears, her dreams, things that make her laugh, things that make her cry, and etc.
Most importantly, I NEVER TAKE OFFENSE at what she says in this moment… not that I would ever allow offense in my heart towards her anyway, but I digress.
What was said was just a stream of consciousness, not premeditated, just literally, a verbal pressure release valve.
In fact, now that I understand the value of this process, I feel great joy and relief in being the one that she feels safe enough to be able to just rant for a few minutes to get it off her chest and then move along with her day.
Shutting up and listening to the woman in your life is probably the single smartest thing you can do. Consequently, acting appropriately, based on what you have learned is the second smartest thing you can do.
Because, here’s the rub.
Human nature has shown that if you aren’t a safe place for your beloved to come to in times of trouble or when she feels vulnerable, she will find that safety somewhere else… be it a friend, a co-worker, or another man.
PS… Just to be clear. I do not “subject” myself to this… I welcome it. Being my wife’s safe place has become one of my husbandry superpowers. I wouldn’t trade those moments for anything.
Knowing this before you marry will assist you in being everything a husband can be!
Knowing this as a currently married man will just help you UP YOUR GAME!
Game on, brothers.
God bless your marriage!