This last Sunday…
my Pastor brought up a great point.
Conversation does not a connection make.
He went on to discuss how we talk and talk and talk to God, but fail to listen. Or how we talk about the stuff we think he wants to hear, without really being connected to who he is, how he operates, or even knowing Jesus on a personal level. You don’t have to actually say ANYTHING to be connected to someone else, he said.
And it got me to thinkin’.
In our secret place, is my focus on Him or is the focus really on myself?
I knew quickly that his focus was always on me. But was I connecting with him?
Let me backtrack a little, here.
In Feb 2013, I had the privilege of a first love experience with Jesus Christ. I had accepted him as my Savior back when I was nine (1976) and I had no recollection of how that really felt. So he gave me a refresher. I began to understand things about his heart that opened my eyes to how much he loves me. I began to study him. I discovered Jesus the Bridegroom. That also meant that I would have to accept the position as a spiritual bride, as the Church is his bride, so I did. And that changed everything for me.
It also changed my marriage.
As I discovered what Jesus has done and will do for his bride, I began to learn how I should be treating my own beloved bride.
I renewed my efforts to understand her. Everywhere I looked I saw new things. I discovered talents I had observed but never actually saw. I would comment on what I had learned about her that day. Sometimes she would agree with me that I had gotten it right. Other times, she would explain her real motivation behind what I had observed, bringing a whole new level of understanding to what I had seen and missed. Honest, diligent curiosity was and is the key.
I decided I wanted to get a Doctorate Degree in Marriage Husbandry with a specialization in Dorothy Mowbray.
So I became a student in a lifetime course of loving and learning.
Among dozens of other cool things along the way, my love and I discovered what we affectionately refer to as The Lap of God chair. Its a huge sofa-like chair that we’ve had for 15 years. It’s big enough for two kids to sit side-by-side.
One day I was sitting there reading, and my wife passed by on her way to do one of the thousand things she does in a day. I put down my book and called to her. I pulled her into the chair on my lap. She snuggled in and got comfortable.
And we sat there. My wife on my lap. Arms wrapped around each other. Heads touching. Breathing. Close. Silent. We looked into each others eyes. It was intimate. It was ten minutes or so of incredible connection, yet no words were spoken. We were focused on each other.
So when my Pastor mentioned the difference between conversation and connection, this experience popped into my head.
Husbands. You are to love your bride as Jesus Christ loves the Church (Eph. 5:25). Im not saying you have to understand how it works from the word Go, you just need to know it does. The understanding will come in time. So will the reward.
Silent closeness creates connection.
I mean, seriously, how many times have you hung out with a buddy, played golf, built something, did something together and hardly a word was spoken? And yet, you were connected to that friend through the whole thing. We call it male bonding, without realizing that its something we’re all created to do… connect with each other, male or female.
So this is one of those times when the coach says to you, the quarterback, “Run 15 Charlie Tango Left” – even though you have nervous reservations as to its effectiveness.
You run it.
He says, “Do it again.”
You comply. Short yardage.
He asks you to do it again. And again. And again.
Suddenly you cross the goal line. You turn back and look and how far you went, just running this one single play and you realize that it was working well, even though the gains seemed insignificant.
Without a connection that requires no words, conversation is just talking. Its connection that converts talking into communication.
Run the play.
Run it again. And again. And again. And again. Soon, it will be one of your favorites, too.