…my wife left to drive up to Tallahassee for a meeting.
It was all spur of the moment due to the fact that our gmail spam filter had blocked the emails from the lady organizing the meeting – or something like that.
The evening went fine – put the kidlets to bed – did some dishes…
Ten pm came around and it was time to hit the sack.
So, I lie there…
Dog on the floor next to the bed already snoring…
Bed all to myself…
Sleep does not come.
I miss her.
Now, in the fifteen-plus years of our marriage, we have been separated overnight many times. For years, she had one extra week of vacation than I and would take the kids to her sister’s, go home to the farm, and etc….
Never bothered me. Sure, I would miss her and be glad when she got back, but I kinda looked forward to the chance to eat grilled cheese and tomato soup every day, have the bed all to myself, and experience a bit of tranquility around the house. This was different.
I miss her.
Don’t worry guys, I didn’t cry or anything, but I was kinda lost.
TV on, TV off.
Get up, get some water.
Back to bed.
Try to sleep.
TV on, nothing to watch.
What is wrong with me?
I don’t have a bad feeling for her safety… just… a bad feeling.
Can’t get comfortable.
Too much room in the bed.
Get up and blog.
I miss her.
In minutes, or so it seems, the alarm clock rings.
I call my Love at 730am for a wake-up call.
It’s good to hear her voice, but there’s no time to talk.
Long day at the office, pick up kids, dinner, kids to bed…
Call her just to talk a bit – she’s on the turnpike heading south.
What is the big deal?
Why do I miss her so much?
The kids are doing better than I, a 42 year-old adult!
Hooray! I hear the garage door open!
My Love is home!
She looks tired… me too…
I tell her I missed her.
We’re tired, but we talk.
The bad feeling is gone.
I am whole again. My Love is home.
We fall asleep happy.
– bliss –
Looking back on this, I wonder:
What made this experience different from any other overnight separation we’ve had in the last fifteen years?
Am I becoming a wimp?
Am I whipped?… well, yeah, maybe a bit – you would be too if you had her as your wife…
Have I lost the ability to function on my own?
Have I lost my identity?
Am I “over the hill” – dependent upon someone else for my happiness?
No. It’s nothing bad.
In fact, I see this as a milestone.
A while back, in an earlier post, I referred to a married couple being complementary to each other.
I think I have finally reached that point where I am truly incomplete without her.
Yes, I can survive.
Yes, I can exist.
But who wants to do it alone?
Even for a day?
It’s good to be connected and committed to your spouse.
I guess every husband goes through this at some time or another.
Maybe fifteen years is a long time for a man to transition to this point.
Maybe it’s not.
The point is, that I’m am not an individual.
I am part of a husband and wife unit…
… and I love that… because I know:
I am my Beloved’s and my Beloved is mine.
Life is good.
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