Long night… short night.

This evening…

…my wife left to drive up to Tallahassee for a meeting.
It was all spur of the moment due to the fact that our gmail spam filter had blocked the emails from the lady organizing the meeting – or something like that.

The evening went fine – put the kidlets to bed – did some dishes…

Ten pm came around and it was time to hit the sack.

So, I lie there…
Lights off…
Dog on the floor next to the bed already snoring…
Bed all to myself…

Alone.

Sleep does not come.

I miss her.

Now, in the fifteen-plus years of our marriage, we have been separated overnight many times.  For years, she had one extra week of vacation than I and would take the kids to her sister’s, go home to the farm, and etc….
Never bothered me.  Sure, I would miss her and be glad when she got back, but I kinda looked forward to the chance to eat grilled cheese and tomato soup every day, have the bed all to myself, and experience a bit of tranquility around the house.  This was different.

I miss her.

Badly.

Don’t worry guys, I didn’t cry or anything, but I was kinda lost.

TV on, TV off.
Get up, get some water.
Back to bed.
Try to sleep.
Nothing.
TV on, nothing to watch.
Read.
Can’t think.
Can’t sleep.
Exhausted.
What is wrong with me?
I don’t have a bad feeling for her safety… just… a bad feeling.
Midnight.
Can’t get comfortable.
One-thirty.
Too much room in the bed.
Two-thirty.
Get up and blog.

I miss her.

FINALLY, sleep.

In minutes, or so it seems, the alarm clock rings.
I call my Love at 730am for a wake-up call.
It’s good to hear her voice, but there’s no time to talk.

Long day at the office, pick up kids, dinner, kids to bed…

Waiting.
Call her just to talk a bit – she’s on the turnpike heading south.
Waiting.
What is the big deal?
Why do I miss her so much?
Waiting.
The kids are doing better than I, a 42 year-old adult!
Waiting.

Hooray!  I hear the garage door open!
My Love is home!
Zzzz
She looks tired… me too…

I tell her I missed her.
We’re tired, but we talk.

The bad feeling is gone.
I am whole again. My Love is home.
We fall asleep happy.

– bliss –

Looking back on this, I wonder:
What made this experience different from any other overnight separation we’ve had in the last fifteen years?
Am I becoming a wimp?
Am I whipped?…  well, yeah, maybe a bit – you would be too if you had her as your wife…
Have I lost the ability to function on my own?
Have I lost my identity?
Am I “over the hill” – dependent upon someone else for my happiness?

No.  It’s nothing bad.
In fact, I see this as a milestone.
A while back, in an earlier post, I referred to a married couple being complementary to each other.
I think I have finally reached that point where I am truly incomplete without her.
Yes, I can survive.
Yes, I can exist.

But who wants to do it alone?
Even for a day?
Not me.

It’s good to be connected and committed to your spouse.
I guess every husband goes through this at some time or another.

Maybe fifteen years is a long time for a man to transition to this point.
Maybe it’s not.
The point is, that I’m am not an individual.
I am part of a husband and wife unit…

… and I love that… because I know:

I am my Beloved’s and my Beloved is mine.

Life is good.

(C) Mo’ Media 2009.  All rights reserved.

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