The Comfort Zone

I was driving home with my wife the other day. 

We were discussing a friend, his wife and the questions he had been asking me.
Because I love my wife on a very public level, men come to me with questions. My answer is always the same:
You need what I’ve got!

One of his questions was…”What does that really mean?”

The answer basically means that being a husband is more than making money, fixing things and telling your wife “I love you” every day… it’s an attitude.
I could write a book on that, but in this specific instance, we were discussing how to love our wives verbally.

“I tell her I love her every day!” is the normal response I get when talking to my Christian brothers. Sometimes they don’t even do that. But because I have yet to hear of a woman that doesn’t like to hear those words, I would say that they’re pretty important.

But is that it? Is telling your wife “I love you” all I gotta say?

No.
Not only no, but on occasion, you need to back that statement up with a reason… or two… or ten.

I don’t know AL…

Loving a woman for the rest of your life is not supposed to be difficult. But it’s not supposed to be a piece of cake either.

You want a great marriage? Choose to. Do you want it or not? Yes or no?
It takes work.
It takes stubborness in love.
It takes thick skin.
It takes a quickness to forgive.
It takes an open heart, an open mind and sometimes… a closed mouth.
Sometimes you have to do things that aren’t easy to begin with.

Oh, and by the way, husband, it starts with you. Because, when it comes to loving your wife you need to get out your comfort zone.

What do you mean, comfort zone? I can’t be comfortable in my marriage?

Getting out of your comfort zone means that ‘I love you’ and ‘You’re special to me” are fine for a while, but they are generalities, as far as sweet nothings go, and have no real detail.Image courtesy CorbisImages.com

We men are good at complimenting each other in detail when talking sports or welding or cars. Children are easy as well.
But when it comes to loving on our wives verbally, we get tongue-tied… or we take the easy way out – using the time-tested old standards previously mentioned. And since we love routine, saying the same things over and over again are easy… comfortable.

Women crave details. Details are personal. Exposing details that speak to a man’s heart are personal. Sometimes it’s not easy for a man to open his heart in such a personal way – even to a wife. But a man that truly loves and honors his wife does desire that ability.

I was telling a friend the other day, that the jump from “I love you” to listing intimate, personal specifics – “what I love about you” – is, initially, uncomfortable.
But like any muscle, if you use it often, it will strengthen… the words will come easier and smoother. Best of all, your efforts will release a blessing in your marriage direct from God.
I told him that even I have had that moment of indecision – the “What if I sound like an idiot?” feeling – and I have been doing this for years.
Bottom line?
If a man wants to love his wife on a deeper level, you gotta get uncomfortable… for a while.

I know that this just scratches the surface of what makes a great marriage. But ya gotta start somewhere.
So I say this:

Work on yourself. Work on becoming the husband you understand that God wants for your wife. You know your faults better than your wife does, and if you don’t, ask God to show you. He will. I guarantee it.
Even more, ask God for his wisdom. When he gives it to you, use it.

When it comes to verbally loving your wife, stop telling her everything that she’s doing wrong. START telling her what she is doing right.
Keep doing it.

Keep doing it.

Keep doing it.

Keep doing it.

Keep doing it.

Keep doing it.

Keep doing it.

Get the picture? You speak good things into her life  and she will begin to believe that you love her unconditionally.

Does she frustrate you with her faults? So what?
You don’t see Jesus slamming his bride, the church, in any scripture.
He continues to speak life into our hearts.
You do the same.

Play the game the way Jesus is playing it and your life will change for the better!

-Alan

PS… I don’t have the perfect marriage. But what I have is a marriage led by the Love of God. Most of what I talk about I had to learn… usually the hard way. But the reward is worth it! God Bless You!

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